7538

Well I guess that number is more than 5000. We have a doubling time of a little over 36 hours. Twins are still a possibility at this point. Our ultrasound will be 10/15 so that's the next hurdle. If we hear the heartbeat and everything is still OK, then the chance of miscarriage drops to 3% so we're ready to tackle that hurdle!

5000

That's what we need to have for a number today. If so, then the HCG is doubling about every 48 hours. I hope this works!

We had a pretty quiet weekend. I do feel naseua on and off but luckily its not gotten to the point of being sick. I am tired but I woke up at 5:30am again today. I am not exactly happy about this new sleep schedule at all. We also looked at a Mercury Mariner this weekend. If hubby works out of town, then I need a vehicle that can fit the dog's crate in it. The Audi A4 just doesn't cut it.

Dreams

Apparently night before last, I had a dream. Hubby said I sat up in bed and looked him and said, "Pink, pink, pink...(giggle, giggle)....there would be large quantities of pink." I have no idea what this means. My brother is having a girl, so I might have thought of that. Or maybe we're having a girl.

For years, I had definite views of wanting a specific gender for a baby, but I think infertility has made me realize that I am so elated to have a baby, I really don't care.

As far as symptoms, I do have some nausea (but not vomiting...thank GOD!). I have been tired, but my sleeping patterns are strange. I want to sleep all day but have problems falling asleep at night and I wake up early (which is so not like me).

1243

That was my beta hcg level. Wow. I'm pregnant. I've never had a positive beta in my life. Now we wait until Monday for the repeat and pray we have good doubling time. They didn't put the message on voicemail until after 1:30pm and hubby was in charge of retrieving the message since we couldn't both hear it during lunch. He was visibly nervous and his tummy hurt all day until the news. Then he said he was walking around like a grinning idiot the rest of the day.

Can you believe I'm finally pregnant? Wow.

The Weekend

We celebrated hubby's birthday this weekend. On Saturday we met my Mum and her roommate halfway in between our cities at my Aunt's house. Had a great meal and hubby got tons of presents from them. I had a little meltdown though, as I started bleeding. I thought for sure this was it. It was bright pink and not just a little. But by the time we took the 1.5 hour drive home, it was done. I was on self-mandated bed rest yesterday on hubby's actual birthday. No bleeding yet.

I have always bled on the progesterone with IUI and IVF cycles. But I'm on 12 mg of estrogen every day too, so I think that might be stopping my period. Guess I will truly have to wait until Thursday to know for sure if this worked!

I don't think it worked

I feel just like I do every other cycle. The bloated and crampy feeling and backache is present. Tomorrow would sort of be my normal day if we count 14 days from supposed ovulation. I'm assuming the estrogen and progesterone will delay that. I feel like such a failure. And I have to wait to Thursday to get the beta for the doctor to tell me all clear and how to go off the meds. I assume they will quit me cold turkey but the estrogen was dialed up on the starting part of it, so maybe they need to dial me down from the 12 pills a day. Guess I'll find out next week.

**sigh**

Nothing

I felt nothing yesterday...no cramping...nothing. I am starting to retain water which is usually the sign that this didn't work.

Is it better to have hope and be crushed if it didn't work? Everyone wants me to have hope and be positive, but in the past that has just crushed me when I get a negative. I have always been the type of person to expect the worst so I'm ready for it. If I'm wrong, then its a great surprise. But everyone says I need to be positive for this to work, so I have no idea. This is very frustrating. I know IVF is a different animal than just trying naturally and even IUIs, but I think my emotions are still the same.

I also feel like our life is on hold. I have one set of plans for if we have kids and another set if we don't. What kind of house we'd have, the car we'd drive, etc. are all dependent on which set of plans. That seems odd but in my mind its too different lives.

I hope this post wasn't too much of a downer, but I think that's just how I'm feeling!